“So, you decide what you would DO if you could feel detached, then do it, even though your emotions are still attached. Then you continue to do it, until your emotions feel detached.” Karla Downing

“When you are learning how to detach, you have to “act as if” you are detached until you are. It takes a long time for your emotions to detach. So, you decide what you would DO if you could feel detached, then do it, even though your emotions are still attached. Then you continue to do it, until your emotions feel detached.

“For example, if you know it is good for you to go out to relax for an evening with a friend and your spouse is upset with you for going, your emotions will tell you to stay home. If you were detached, you would say, “I can’t make him/her think or feel differently and going to a movie with a friend is good for me. I am going to keep my plan to go out and detach from him/her being upset with me for taking care of myself.” When you act as if, you go to the movie, even though you are thinking about your spouse being upset and worried about it. Later after you feel detached, you are able to let go of the emotions while you are out.

“Faking it till ya make it is healthy with detachment because detachment is a healthy behavior that we have trouble doing in difficult relationships. Faking it, ie, denying emotions and pretending things are okay, is not. Do you get the difference?”

Karla Downing