“If you have the courage to look at your role, then it empowers you to change the situation around rapidly. By radically changing the way you respond to the other person.” David Burns

“When you’re looking at your part of it, it’s not about beating yourself up. You don’t want to blame the other person and it’s not about pointing the finger at yourself and blaming yourself. It is about looking at: What am I contributing to the situation and dynamic.”

“It’s hard for people because they’re not subtle in their thinking. It’s their fault or my fault.”

“Blame is the cause of almost all relationship conflicts. The problem isn’t that this person is to blame, the problem is your blaming them. Every time you blame somebody, that will cause whatever you’re doing to escalate. It’s a law of the universe.

“Then you go to: I’m no good, that causes feelings of shame, depression, and worthlessness. People vacillate back and forth. We’re trying to get people to rise above this. Up above there’s accountability, empathy, and listening. Where there’s not a battle”

“A lot of people can’t get it or a lot don’t want to get it. They want to blame the other person. It’s very rewarding to blame other people. It makes you feel morally superior.”

Source: The website of David D. Burns, MD | 117: On the Path to Greater Intimacy— David’s Final Sparkling Interview with Stephanie James | Feeling Good