First I turn to my own sense of compassion:
Their pride is an understandable feeling of invisibility and need for acceptance. Their envy reminds me that we’re different and can we learn from each other’s differences. Their anger is a form of fear of the unknown. Their gluttony and indulgence is their understandable hope to find what’s missing. Their lust and social desires are a need for connection with others.Their sloth is worry, doubt, and anticipation toward the results of action, success, and failure. And their greed is vulnerability manifesting as deprivation and desperation.
I can understand that their flaws share each of these in common with my own flaws.
Next I turn to self-care. What combination of outcomes can I ask for suits both of our needs? If we can’t agree, then it’s okay to put a little or a lot of this time and energy elsewhere.
In giving support, I give them freedom to make choices according to their own ideas. Making sure they do things according to my thinking is not my job to witness.
Finally, I politely make boring limits with a Soft Heart. “I want X. The problem is Y. What I’d like is Z.” I’m stubbornly polite, use my magic words, and stay in my lane with a good sense of humor.
People are allowed to be negative people. Let Eeyores be Eeyores. They can take care of themselves and like being that way.
Listen to understand. If your intent is to understand, then these people are more interesting than annoying.
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