I feel very lucky to have a super supportive family. They’re honest about any concerns and at the same time supportive that I have the final choice over my life. I didn’t realize until recently what a huge advantage I had.
I studied Fine Art and Music!! I have no memory of family resistance. In fact, it was in some ways my family’s idea.
My mom was like “Please don’t be an accountant, I’m an accountant. I like being good at it and making good money and could change, so I’m not going to change it now.” My sister was like “There’s a job for a graphic designer, you could do part-time while you’re in school.” Everyone really wanted me to do what I wanted to do.
That made me super resilient. I didn’t have to internalize all other’s resistance. I just know intrinsically that problems can be figured out.
Several books I’ve read agree with this podcast’s view: Kids seek out relationships and friendships similarly to those that they find at home. If parents try to emulate the injustice of the world to “prepare” children, they’re often teaching their kids to be participants in injustice. That’s teaching that injustice is just a tool to get what you want. Better perhaps to travel through the world with your child and show them how you handle those external problems that are truly out of control.
Looking at that model, it’s one I enjoy with relationships with other adults. I call it “Soft Heart, Strong Limits.” Making supportive and at the same time honest and authentic helps me connect with others in a way that’s both safe and vulnerable. As independent, we become our own parents and get to re-learn and take charge.
“You want home to feel like an oasis. Having parents who understand you helps you feel that way.” Elizabeth Craft